Saturday, 11 March 2017
So Far Away
For the first time since I started university I've realised how far away from home I am. How far from my family and friends. How a train journey can take 7 hours whilst the coach can take half a day. The 350 miles that separate us can feel small when I pick up the phone, but the gulf is so enormously wide when someone the other end needs me.
There's no easy way to pop home. No teleporter that could just take me back to give a hug. With my mum in hospital all I want is to hold her hand but instead I'm so far away and feeling helpless. Not knowing whether I should hop on that train home and turn up at home in the middle of the night still unable to do anything. The video calls with my family don't help. They don't let me know how much I should rush.
Whilst currently it's nothing too serious, it's got me thinking. With me so far away anything could happen. I imagine that the last time I saw her walking through the barriers at the train station here in Plymouth. As she waved goodbye and I cried as I knew I wouldn't see her for a month.
Now I cry because what if something happens when I am here and they are there. And I can't rush down the road. Or pop in. When a trek across the country leaves me stranded at the bottom of the country away from them all.
I feel so far from her. Not being able to talk to her as she struggles for breath. I feel she must be so alone. When you're a child in hospital your parents look after you, but as an adult no one is there day and night. Just stroking your hair and holding your hand. I want to be there for her like all the many times she's been there for me.